i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
