mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
