thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Randomize
