I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
