That's intense
wat bout pragnant strippers??
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
