You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
