tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
