I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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