ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
