Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
