no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
