You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
