no you cant smoke seaweed
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
