What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
