I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
