Small penises have feelings too.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
