I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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