I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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