I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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