I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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