Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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