My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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