I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
