Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
