So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
