i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
