; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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