Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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