I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just blew my weed a kiss
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
