I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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