Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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