my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
