You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
