it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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