I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
