he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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