You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
