I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize