I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
