U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Send help, water and tortillas.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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