K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
