K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
