my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
it's like iHOP with fire
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
