Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
