Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
