Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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