the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
