Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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