im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
