Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
