i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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