he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
