That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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