I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
