bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
