someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
