god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
